The Verdict Is In: Boys Are Lazy

I’ve never subscribed to the “if it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down” bathroom philosophy that a certain sect of people live by. Yes, those people do exist. And yes, they are an odd lot. They’re not all hippies either, but like serial killers, they could be anyone.

Serial Mom Kathleen Turner

The nice woman next door that randomly brings you tasty treats from time to time. Your accountant. The neighborly gentleman that picks up your trash cans when they blow over in the gutter. It could even be somebody living inside of your own house. Which is what I’m dealing with. Although, more specifically, I’m not dealing with a person that’s concerned about water conservation. This person isn’t letting their yellow mellow in an attempt to save any water.

For the past week I’ve been victim to seeing the toilet bowl full of yellowness. Not a fan. Like most civilized people I prefer a clean bowl. It didn’t take much detective work to figure out the culprit, but it’s much more entertaining as a parent to give the kids a chance. Plus, you never know what to expect when they have free reign to explain themselves.

“So, children, which one of you hasn’t been flushing the toilet.”
Evy spoke first. “Was there paper in it?” Such a smarty. Then she added, “because I ALWAYS flush the toilet.”
I said, “Well, I know it wasn’t me and I know it wasn’t mom and I’m pretty sure Elliott didn’t do it. So, who could it be?”


“It was me.” James reluctantly fessed up.
“Why haven’t you been flushing the toilet?”
“I don’t know.”
I thought about saying, “that’s a pisspoor excuse” but instead said, “Nobody wants to see that, James. It’s gross. Also, you’re going to need to come up with a better excuse than that.”
“I don’t know why I don’t flush.”
“What’s the real reason?”
After a long pause, he finally said, “I’m too lazy.”
I stuck my hand out and twisted my wrist slightly to demonstrate the motion of flushing and asked, “This takes about three seconds and it’s too much trouble for you?”
At which he responded by covering his face with his pillow.

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2 Responses to “The Verdict Is In: Boys Are Lazy“

  1. Chelly says:

    My nephew (9) does this. Though his parents condone it- I think it started because he would get up at night to go and the flushing disturbed the house. But now I have to remind him every time he is at my house, or out in public, that he cannot let it ‘mellow’ when not at home.

    I agree, I like to see a nice clean clear bowl when I go into the bathroom, but besides that after a while it does begin to smell.

  2. Tia says:

    I have a coffee table with secret compartments. When the table was made the compartments were merely accidental, but somehow my son found them. When I would tell him to clean up he would simply gathers all his sh…stuff and shove it into these compartments. So when spring cleaning time rolled around and I’d turn the coffee table on it’s side to clean it I’d find the craziest items: dirty socks, skate trucks, candy wrappers, show laces, loose change, etc. Upon confrontation, I asked, “Why would anyone do this?” My son’s response, “Because I’m lazy.” Seriously? It’s one thing to be lazy, but it’s a whole other thing to accept that about yourself. I can hand trash to this kid and tell him to go through it away and he’ll put it on the counter ABOVE the trash, but not in the trash. I can tell this kid to put his dirty laundry in the hamper and he’ll put it on the floor next to the hamper, but not in the hamper. I can’t figure out why he thinks that actually placing the trash IN the trash or the dirty laundry IN the hamper is EXTRA work from placing it right next to where it’s supposed to go. However, I can’t say it is a “boy” thing because my older son uses all the common areas in the house and if you didn’t actually see that he was there with your own eyes you’d never even known he was there because he cleans up after himself. This lazy “issue” is special. Boys that have it are “special”. A cure needs to be found though, and fast. The last incident was food left in my car in the pocket behind the driver seat. By the time it was found it was unidentifiable and my car smelled like “duece” for weeks! *sigh* from a mother of two teenage boys.