I’ve never subscribed to the “if it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down” bathroom philosophy that a certain sect of people live by. Yes, those people do exist. And yes, they are an odd lot. They’re not all hippies either, but like serial killers, they could be anyone.
The nice woman next door that randomly brings you tasty treats from time to time. Your accountant. The neighborly gentleman that picks up your trash cans when they blow over in the gutter. It could even be somebody living inside of your own house. Which is what I’m dealing with. Although, more specifically, I’m not dealing with a person that’s concerned about water conservation. This person isn’t letting their yellow mellow in an attempt to save any water.
For the past week I’ve been victim to seeing the toilet bowl full of yellowness. Not a fan. Like most civilized people I prefer a clean bowl. It didn’t take much detective work to figure out the culprit, but it’s much more entertaining as a parent to give the kids a chance. Plus, you never know what to expect when they have free reign to explain themselves.
“So, children, which one of you hasn’t been flushing the toilet.”
Evy spoke first. “Was there paper in it?” Such a smarty. Then she added, “because I ALWAYS flush the toilet.”
I said, “Well, I know it wasn’t me and I know it wasn’t mom and I’m pretty sure Elliott didn’t do it. So, who could it be?”
“It was me.” James reluctantly fessed up.
“Why haven’t you been flushing the toilet?”
“I don’t know.”
I thought about saying, “that’s a pisspoor excuse” but instead said, “Nobody wants to see that, James. It’s gross. Also, you’re going to need to come up with a better excuse than that.”
“I don’t know why I don’t flush.”
“What’s the real reason?”
After a long pause, he finally said, “I’m too lazy.”
I stuck my hand out and twisted my wrist slightly to demonstrate the motion of flushing and asked, “This takes about three seconds and it’s too much trouble for you?”
At which he responded by covering his face with his pillow.