James Told Me To Shut Up

It’s true. Kids get mouthy. They also like to see what they can get away with. A few days ago James tested out what would happen if he told me to shut up. My first instinct was to get all Ultimate Warrior on his ass and pile drive him into the sidewalk.

the ultimate warrior

Instead, I kept my cool and decided to post this screenshot of his Instagram profile. It’s less violent than my original idea and even though my actions would be justified it will keep the Child Protective Services out of my hair.

James On Instagram

I absolutely love the inconsistencies in the second line. “Follows” and “fallow”. And, of course, “u” and “ya”.

Also, he’s 12 and he knows it. Is he trying to impress young co-ed’s he’ll never meet that he’s a teenager? Probably. After Coral and I saw this, and our cringing subsided, we made him edit it to be less creepy and more genuine. We gave him some ideas and explained that it’s a bio and that saying something about himself would be a good idea. One of his friends on Instagram says this for his bio, “I’m an amateur photographer and am grateful for any likes and follows. Thanks so much, everybody!” Our suggestion was to use that as a model. Here’s what he came up with.

james instagram

He fixed the “follow” thing, but liked the “u/ya” thing enough to keep it. For some odd reason. Our suggestions were completely ignored. And to top that off he’s a total liar. He has 50 followers and is only following 33. He’s not quite holding up to his “Follows u if ya follow me” promise. It’s unclear what those 17 people have done to not warrant getting a follow from “JAMEZNOTJAMES”, but he refuses to follow them back.

I should also mention his use of the self made nickname “Jamez”, which is pronounced jah-mez. Is there anything more embarrassing than giving yourself a nickname? It’s got to be towards the top of the list of most embarrassing things you can do. Not to mention, we’ve been telling him for months to stop this whole “Jamez” business, but the kid just won’t budge.

If he ever tells me to shut up again he best put on fluorescent speedo’s, some face paint and be prepared for the biggest Royal Rumble of his young life.

ultimate jeff

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