Grocery Store Tabloids


I despise grocery store tabloids. Let me start over.

I despise gross-ery store tabloids. They are sick and wrong and none of them mean anything. None of us should care about any of it. Sadly, since they are screaming right in our face while we are stuck in line they become inescapable. I usually do a good job of ignoring them, but these two caught my attention.


Within a millisecond of seeing this I immediately started singing that Urge Overkill song made famous by this unforgettable scene in Pulp Fiction.

I actually nudged Coral, pointed at the headline and whisper sang into her ear, “Girl, dun dun dun dun, you’ll be a woman soooon.” It was awesome.

Now that I had looked, my eyes wandered over the rack and I saw this issue of Good Housekeeping, which isn’t actually a “tabloid”, but their covers are full of the same manipulation tactics urging you to pick up a copy. For example:
“Super Carb Diet: Drop 2 lbs. this week!”
“2015 is your year!”

The thing that got me though was the main headline: The New Julian Michaels…

I don’t even know who the old Julian Michaels is. I clearly am not up on irrelevant pop culture. For that I am thankful. I wonder how much money these magazines pay to get placement in the checkout line. At the grocery store we usually shop at you never see things like Dwell or Transworld Skateboarding in the checkout line. It’s never magazines with any substance or that highlight anything you might be passionate about. Honestly, if you’re passion is keeping up with the breast growth rate of some dude getting a sex change then you have a problem. Oh, sorry…”gender reassignment”.

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