I’ve been going through my hard drive lately looking for funny photos of the kids and came across this selfie I took in April 2003.

When I saw it I was like, “Wait a sec…”

Here’s a new updated selfie to show how much I’ve progressed. I literally just took this minutes ago.

As it turns out I have no style and have been wearing the same ole’ shit for at least 12 years. Probably longer, but I lack the photographic evidence to prove it. Truth be told, this has been my uniform for the last twenty years. TWENTY YEARS?!?!

Remember when you were a kid and you’d be out running errands with your mom or dad and they’d run into somebody they knew? After exchanging pleasantries and parting ways they’d say something to you like, “I’ve known that guy for twenty years” and you’re first thought was, “Bullshit! Nobody knows anybody for that long.” Then you wake up one day and your thirty-something with kids of your own and you actually run into people that you’ve known for twenty years. That shit’s crazy. And that’s how long I’ve been dressing like this. I have no cool clothes that my kids are excited to find in my closet to steal. When I was a kid I used to find all kinds of awesome shirts my dad wore from his younger days. By the time I got my hands on them they were vintage and would make any hipster swoon with jealousy. All I have is baggy jeans with shredded cuffs from dragging on the concrete, paint covered hoodies and skater shoes.

Let’s just say my lack of fashion sense is because I’m one of those rare geniuses that is so involved with scholarly pursuits that I simply don’t have the time to waste on dressing like a decent human being. Like Steve Jobs. Yeah, this could work for me. On the plus side, I don’t have to worry about my kids stealing my clothes.