These Toothbrushes Are Multiplying

First off, this is not a post to highlight my incredible photography skills. Here’s the thing. I live in a house with two other people. Numbers and math are by no means something I excel at, but I am pretty sure I got the math right when I say that three people live in this house. It’s true, there were five of us at one time and if I blogged regularly I would have mentioned that the big kids have moved out. If you’re a parent and you’re wondering what that feels like. It feels amazing.

Anyway, back to the photo. It does not take a mathematician to count seven toothbrushes in the photo. What you can’t gather from this photo is the fact that Coral keeps her toothbrush in a drawer. I’m sure that has something to do with her being an only child…and maybe something to do with her introversion, but that’s a whole other blog post that I will probably never write because she’s an amazing cook and I love eating.

There should really only be two toothbrushes here, but we have seven. Well, technically, we should have three because for some reason Elliott has two toothbrushes. One he uses on the daily and one that he’s…saving? This might be the beginning stages of a hoarding problem and I have no idea where he would get that from. His are the one hanging in the penguin thing and the pink Crayola one. That one came in a two pack and he used the blue one first. He knows pink is one of my favorite colors, so I like to think he was saving the best for last. Mine is the black one and get this, it’s normally in the boring toothbrush holder, but it got demoted to just sitting on the countertop like nobody cares about it. Now here is where things get a little fishy. Remember I said the big kids moved out. Well, one of them spent the night this past Sunday and after SHE left is when I noticed my toothbrush got demoted to the sidelines and the toothbrush holder was full of other toothbrushes. Did she open a four pack and thought it best to put all of them in the holder? Did she think she was doing us a favor? Did she bring four from her apartment and each brush serves its own unique function? Maybe the blue one is only used for the front of her top row of teeth, while the job of the pink one is for the back of the top tow of teeth. I really have no idea and am a little disappointed I’ve thought this much about it, which makes me feel a little bit guilty that I’ve now made you think about it. Sorry. Admittedly, I did not see her do any of these things. There are no witnesses that saw her remove my brush from its esteemed spot in the toothbrush holder, but it does make you wonder.

Nobody that lives in the house is claiming ownership to these four mysterious brushes. If I soak them in extra hot salsa will they taste spicy to the person that uses them next? Will a person actually use them or will they just sit in my bathroom forever? Should I scrub the toilet with them and put them back in the toothbrush holder. Look, this is just where my mind goes. I wouldn’t really go through with it.

Like I said, it feels amazing when the kids start moving out, but I might actually miss solving mysteries like this in the house. Like when you find an old onesie tucked away in a drawer and you get all sentimental. “Ohhh…remember when they were so teeny tiny.” Just maybe though. Because last time Evelyn stayed the night, the time before this toothbrush thing happened, I found this bullshit in the pantry.

Again, no witnesses. But, I did hear her ask Elliott if she could eat one of his BelVita snacks and what you see in the photo is what I found in the pantry later that day. Keep in mind there is a trash can just a couple of feet away that you HAVE TO walk by as soon as you step foot out of the pantry. You literally have no choice but to walk right by it. Don’t worry, I’m trying to figure out how to wrap this all up and what I’ve come up with is this. Despite having moved out of the house kids still cause all kinds of bullshit and because of that, after all of these years, I still have source material for this blog.

Thanks, kids!

Remember, I’ve challenged myself to posting on here once a day for the entire month, so be sure to tune it tomorrow for…who knows what. Do I look like a guy that plans things?

(Imagine a photo of me here doing something that looks unplanned. You know, like I’ve painted myself into a corner or something.)

Thanks for reading!
– Jeff


2 Responses to “These Toothbrushes Are Multiplying“

  1. Kay Porczak says:

    That Belvita box was my life with Ellen at home! And YES it is AMAZING with them out of the house!

  2. jeff says:

    Haha! I had never eaten one of those Belvita things until last night and it was pretty tasty. And yes, AMAZING. Obviously, still have Elliott, but two out of the house makes a big difference.