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An Actual Conversation I Had With Evy

As a parent of teenagers you often ask yourself, “Why do I even try?” Do I have an undying curiosity about the ins n’ outs of Ultimate Football? Not really, but I do like conversations with my daughter that don’t involve telling her, for the 100th time, to clean her room. And honestly, I did have a vague curiosity about Ultimate Football and had assumed it was the same thing as Ultimate Frisbee, but with a football, because I’m not a total idiot. The thing is, I couldn’t, and still can’t, remember for the life of me how to play Ultimate Frisbee so I asked. I may not have gotten the answer I expected, but I did get a conversation worth sharing with you. Nobody else in the car seemed to see the humor in it, but based on the conversation you should get a sense of the people I’m dealing with here. If it doesn’t go over their head than it goes in one ear and out the other.

Moral of the story: Who knows…I guess it’s don’t pick Evy to be on your Ultimate Football (or frisbee) team.

– Jeff

Photo Booth With Evy And Elliott

I was scrolling through apps on my phone and opened up IncrediBooth, which I haven’t used for months, and I found this photo from March.

photo booth

I love the look and feel of photo booth pictures. You’d think that an iPhone app wouldn’t be able to compete with a real photo booth, but I beg to differ. It looks the same to me. And it’s right in your pocket ready to go.

Smile.
– Jeff

James And Evy Spinning Stop Motion

This is the second stop motion video I made using Frameographer for iPhone. Like the last one I posted, this is best thought of as a preliminary sketch for something greater.

My main goal was to get the kids interested in making their own stop motion movies. Since the process is tedious and time consuming and children have zero to little patience my theory was that if I put them in a movie and they thought the result was cool or funny then they would learn that all the effort was worth it when you see the final result. Lucky for me, it worked. James has become addicted to making stop motion movies. Evy has made some too. Not quite with the same enthusiasm as James, but it’s been awesome watching both of them get excited about being creative with the camera.

Eventually, I’ll get around to posting some of their movies on here.

Thanks for watching!
– Jeff

Evy Does Not Cover Her Tracks Well


Photo of Evelyn found in my camera roll after letting her borrow my phone. My guess is she’s thinking, “I saw someone on the cover of Bop doing this, so I’m doing it too.”

Evelyn loves iDevices. Who, doesn’t though? It’s very typical that she’ll ask to borrow an iPhone or iPad to “check her Instagram”. I love Instagram and encourage the kids to use it as a means of “creative expression.” Of all the apps I’ve tried out I think Instagram is the fastest and easiest way to make something creative. It never fails that her “checking Instagram” can turn into an hour long endeavor. What this means is that she is doing a lot more than simply checking her Instagram. She gets sucked in…starts watching Tayler Swift videos, scouring google images in search of Justin Bieber photos and I don’t even want to know what else. She is basically doing everything but checking her Instagram. I might get mad, but what parent isn’t happy to have a kid occupied and out of their hair for an hour. This was exactly my scenario two nights ago. When I got my phone back there were some gems on there that I had to share.

If you follow me on Facebook you might have seen this the other day.

I’m calling it my “Embarrass The Kids So I Don’t Have To Kill Them” campaign, and I highly encourage all parents to do the same. I’ve noticed that my patience when dealing with a couple of smart ass kids has greatly increased knowing that I will just make fun of them online. It’s the whole “don’t get mad, get even” philosophy.

With that said, here are the other photos I found on my phone after letting Evy check her Instagram.


Finger mustache. It looks like she wasn’t pleased with the first version, so she added to it. The addition makes the mustache look more like a fat upper lip. Or possibly the outcome of a peanut allergy. You decide.


I’ll just take a stab here at guessing her inner dialogue.
Top photo: “Oh man…my aim sucks. This is not how throwing peace sign pics for Bop look. I better try that again.”
Middle photo: “Oh yes! You know what would look good? I’m going to make my lips look like Angelina Jolie! Sweet!”
Bottom photo: “Sideways peace sign with Angelina lips…yes!”

I find myself at a loss of words trying to figure out what her goals were when shooting this one. Showing off straps to the training bra that I don’t need. Perhaps.

Unfortunately, I taught Evelyn how to take a screenshot. Although, I guess now it’s a fortunate thing since launching my “Embarrass The Kids So I Don’t Have To Kill Them” campaign. It’s just fuel to add to the fire. Anyway, she’s always saving pics of this lady on my phone.

My guess is she uses photos of her as source material for make-up tips.

For a deeper insight into our little darling, check out Evelyn’s blog, EVYMONSTER.

Present From Evy

Our sassy ten year old, Evelyn, can be a real sweetheart from time to time. Check out this drawing she just gave me.

present from evy

I love it.

Evy Gets Sassy

This is the kind of thing I find after letting Evy use my iPad.

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Evy And I Are Total YouTube Stars Thanks To Dr. Cain’s Comics

Visit Dr. Cain’s at:
778 Marsh St
Downtown SLO, CA
www.drcainscomics.com

Evy’s Got The Fever

I’m beginning to think letting Evelyn get an instagram account might have been a mistake.

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The Cuesta Promise, Gone Wrong

This day was inevitable. It had been coming for months. I knew it was only a matter of time, but my Cuesta Promise sunglasses finally broke. The Cuesta Promise, if you are not in the know, is a scholarship program for SLO County high school grads. It’s a pretty sweet deal because Cuesta is giving these grads two years of free learning. It’s really quite amazing, but what’s even better is that I got a free pair of sunglasses out of the deal. It doesn’t quite show up in the photo, but the lenses are a reflective purple and the green lettering on the arm of the glasses says “The Cuesta Promise”. Sure, I might have “borrowed” them from Evelyn without asking, but they look (looked) better on me anyway. Also, if you saw the last post you are well aware of the bullshit I’ve put up with, so I think stealing her Cuesta Promise shades is totally justified.

Ok, here’s what happened. I won’t get into specific details, but here’s a quick breakdown.
– Evelyn visited Cuesta and they hooked her up with these sweet sunglasses.
– As cool as they are they were severely neglected. They sort of just floated around the house for a while. Months maybe?
– My $6 gas station sunglasses broke. Go figure.
– Running out the door one morning I saw the Cuesta Promise glasses and put them on because I had been going out without glasses on for about a week and my sensitive eyes couldn’t stand it any longer.
– I was now a 41 year old dude wearing glasses that were made to help promote 17 year olds attend college.

Honestly, I saw nothing wrong with it. If anything, it would embarrass Evy, which I saw as an extra bonus. Protect my eyes and embarrass my kid at the same time. Yes, please. Sign me up!

Sadly, I can’t recall if she ever was embarrassed, but I marched on. Also, I am not the type of guy to buy something I don’t need. Why waste money on new glasses when the Cuesta Promise glasses got the job done? Not to mention, they were very stylish to boot. Now that I think about it, Evelyn is smart enough to know that embarrassing her would bring me great joy, so if she ever was embarrassed she wouldn’t let me know about it. She probably ignored the fact that I was wearing them every day, but guess what? The joke’s on her. A week before they broke I was at a local waterslide park with Elliott and as I stepped onto “The Anaconda” the young lady lifeguard that held my tube and kept it from floating down the slide (Sidenote: I didn’t need help. I’m a grown ass man, but it’s her job. She’s required to hold tubes for people that are totally capable of holding their own tubes.) Anyway, she looked at me and asked, “Are those Cuesta Promise sunglasses?” I smiled. Said, “yes.” Then…down the slide I went. As I twisted and turned, water splashing my face, hair sparkling in the sun, I couldn’t help but be overjoyed that after months and months of wearing these damn things I finally got the recognition I had been looking for.

Somebody Get This Kid A Camera

So, it’s probably around 12:30am. Evelyn and I are sitting across from each other at the kitchen table. She’s on her phone doing whatever 15 year old girls do. I’m on my computer looking through video clips trying to figure out what to post next on YouTube. Evy sees my camera on the table and starts messing around with it. Being a Canon T5i it’s slightly more complicated than the camera she is used to on her phone. She’s pushing buttons and messing around with the flip screen and then tells me to look up. SNAP! She takes a photo of me. Just one single photo. No setting up or adjusting the light or anything. Just a simple push of the shutter button. After inspecting the monitor she says, “It sort of looks like one of those portraits.” I can only assume she meant it looked like a fancy, or possibly artsy, portrait. One that you might pay a photographer to do. Here it is. Totally unedited. No photoshopping. No filters. Completely spontaneous. Straight from the horses mouth.

I really don’t feel biased because it’s a photo of me or because my 15 year old daughter took it, but I think it’s a pretty good portrait. But who am I? Let’s get mom’s thoughts. After all, she’s the real photographer in the family. Here’s what Coral had to say.

“My first thought was – I love the lighting. I love how warm it is against the contrast of your black hoodie and the dark kitchen behind you. I also think it’s funny that you two are night owls together, and it’s kind of a quick glimpse into your relationship with her. You’re not scolding her to go to bed – or annoyed by her being up at nearly 1am… you’re just letting her mess around with an expensive camera, and do something creative in the middle of the night – because that’s normal for you. I also like how comfortable you look. You can’t get a portrait like that in a professional setting, or with a stranger.”

Naturally, when you’re messing around with a new camera you have to take at least one selfie.

What can I say, this girl has skills. Also, somebody get this kid a camera!

Oh wait, we’re the parents. That’s probably our job.

Thanks for looking!
– Jeff

Sometimes It’s Best To Not Teach Your Kids.

This is an actual conversation I heard the other day between Evy (14) and James (16). So, the situation was James and Evy were downstairs. I was upstairs and could hear that James was singing. I couldn’t tell what song he was singing, but he seemed pretty into it. Also, he wasn’t singing along with music playing. This was straight up a cappella. Evelyn interrupted his singing to ask:
“What dees is that from?”
From upstairs I thought, “What is she talking about it?” while simultaneously fearing that maybe I was too old and uninformed to have heard of some new style of music. Luckily, James asked, “What?”
Evy: What dees is that from?
James, still confused: What do you mean?
Evy again: What dees is that from…you know, like 80’s or 90’s?

And that’s when I almost spit cereal out of my nose and had to rush to my room so they wouldn’t hear me cracking up. This next thing I’m about to tell you is one of those situations where my ability to be a good parent could and probably should be questioned. Naturally, my first instinct is to help and educate by teaching Evy the word “era”. For example, “What era is that song from?” But, I’m also human with a questionable sense of humor, which means I thought it would be more fun to not teach her and hope that she says “dees” for years to come. I especially hope she says it while talking to a boy she’s trying to impress.

Sometimes, as a parent, we need these things to keep our sanity. Now get out there and not teach something to your kids today!

The Weekly Wrap Up: Mexican Wrestling Masks, A Man Date And A Middle Finger

First off, parents are not fans of three day weekends. Having kids home an extra day is no walk in the park. School should probably be ten hours a day, eight days a week. It was much harder for Coral since I ditched out on family duties to spend some time in thee ole’ studio on Saturday and Sunday. Then today I ditched her again to watch my nieces, but I did take Elliott with me, so Coral had one very needy and demanding kid out of her hair for the majority of the day. Last week I started a Lucha Libre series. Or better put, a series of Mexican Wrestling masks. Here are the first two in the series.


“Mighty Miguel”
3.5″ x 5″ – mixed media on wood
$60, plus shipping
Available online.


“Feisty Felipe”
5.5″ x 8″ – mixed media on wood
$80, plus shipping
Available online.

In addition to the Lucha Libre masks I also finished a new blockhead owl.


“Andy The Owl”
3.5″ x 7″ – mixed media on wood
$65, plus shipping
Available online.

Enough of the, “Look at me. Buy my art…wah, wah, wah” self promotional mumbo jumbo. Here are a few other tidbits from the week. But, really, you probably should buy some artwork. I’d be super stoked, plus I have a lot of bills. Anyway…


Here’s a studio shot that I am posting as less of a self-promotional buy my stuff pic and more of a it’s just part of my life photo. This is the first time in a long time that I’ve had enough artwork to cover a wall and I spent a big portion of my Saturday studio time wiring, signing, hanging and pricing artwork.


Again, this is more just part of my life so it’s getting thrown in the “weekly wrap up” because it takes a long time to make 100 magnets.


I was super stoked to go on a man date with my buddy Justin who I haven’t seen for a few months. We are probably the first people to spend 2 hours having lunch at a Mr. Pickles. Hey look, I know I called it a man date, but don’t let your pervy imagination turn “lunch at Mr. Pickles” into something it’s not.


And, of course, you can’t pull a camera out in front of Neal without him offering up his good side. And by “good side” I mean his stubby middle finger.

Well, there you have it. I can’t recall writing a weekly wrap up before, but it might be something I try to make a habit out of.

I hope you had a great weekend. If you’re not a parent I’m sure you did. If you didn’t then you are a jerk and need a little perspective. For example, Coral got yelled at by Evelyn (our thirteen year old daughter) for asking Evy to wash a dirty cup of soup that has been in her room for at least 6 days. The conversation went something like:

“Evy, please take that cup downstairs and wash it. I’ve asked several times and it’s been there for days, which is just gross.”

To which Evy responded, “Ughhh! You guys expect us to do everything ourselves!”

And really, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Anyway…

Tune in next time for…
who knows what. I’ll be babbling about something and I can assure you it will be babbles you won’t want to miss.

– Jeff

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