Posts Tagged ‘love’

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In this episode Jeff and Coral are presented with a very rare and exciting opportunity. All the kids are gone for the night and they have the house to themselves. What will they do with this amazing gift? Do they go out for a fancy date night? See a show? No. They stay home, make enchiladas, drink margaritas and talk about everything from vigilante justice that involves somebody’s hand and a garbage disposal, gender neutral bathrooms, their first drunken experiences, high school house party keggers hosted by Jeff’s sister, turning 40 and we can’t even remember what else.
Cheers!

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Thanks for listening!
Jeff & Coral

No, a card of smoking angels is not the best Goodwill find ever. It’s the message inside that’s the prize. But before we get to that let me tell you how I came across this. I’ve been making little paintings on old record sleeve inserts. Stuff like painting a face over an ad for a Dean Martin album. They’re all small and I’ve been getting frames for them at Goodwill. So, when I bought this smoking angels card I had no idea it was even a card. It was just a picture in a frame that I needed. When it came time to frame my little painting I removed the beer guzzling angels from the frame and what do you know…it was a card. Naturally, I opened it and that’s when I realized I was holding the best Goodwill find ever in my hands. And now, it is my great honor to share it with all of you…my two loyal readers. Enjoy!

My first thought when I read this was, “Steve, you dirty little devil! What on Earth did you do to receive such an amazing little note? I want to be thought of as a scrumptious man. Teach me!” But that was my first thought and when I thought about it more I couldn’t help but wonder what happened to these two. Admittedly, I can’t make out the girl’s name. Why is it the only thing written in cursive? Isn’t cursive obsolete at this point? I suppose that’s a whole other story that I’ll ignore for now. I’m guessing Steve must have thought pretty highly of T (we’ll just call her that for now) since he framed the card. But what happened? How many decadent dates were there? Did Steve become less scrumptious over time? Did they live happily ever after? If not, will T ever find another man as amazing as Steve? Why would Steve donate this to the Goodwill? Or maybe in a fit of rage T donated it because Steve’s scrumptiousness evolved into assholeness and she couldn’t stand the fact that there was written proof that once there was a time when she loved Steve. Sadly, only Steve and T know the truth. I sincerely hope the two of them are still sharing decadent nights together and that maybe they’ve had a baby or two.

As for you, loyal reader, get out there and share a decadent night with your own scrumptious Steve or Samantha or whoever. Just make sure it’s decadent and delicious. Then, after you’ve had your fun donate all the evidence to your local Goodwill.

See ya!
– Jeff

(photo by Coral)

This kid. He’s such a monkey. Ready for real talk? Here’s the truth about having a kid. I have never loved something so much yet been so incredibly annoyed with a person at the same exact time. It’s a strange feeling, which is made stranger because while he’s being annoying he has no clue at all that he’s being annoying. And he looks at me with the happiest eyes I’ve ever seen. He’s so full of love and just wants to play. It’s one of the hard things about being a parent and working at home. If I didn’t have to work I would be wrestling and having tickling wars with Elliott all day. Normally, my work at home days are spent in the garage while Coral watches Elliott in the house and that’s a nice set up. As of late, it’s been freezing in the garage, so I’ve been setting up shop on our kitchen table. Yes, my seat is right over a heater vent and it feels great. Ok, now let me give you a little play by play.

Elliott is in the living room with Coral while I’m in the kitchen working on a painting. Elliott runs to me yelling, “ELMO!” while shoving an Elmo plush doll in my face. After hugging Elmo I hand him back and Elliott runs back to the living room. One minute later he’s running back to me saying, “McQueen! McQueen! McQueen!”. I hand him the Lightning McQueen car that’s on the table. He grabs it, saying, “Welcome!” as he turns away because somewhere he picked up on the phrase “you’re welcome” and he uses it instead of saying “thank you.” It’s cute and endearing and he’ll figure it out eventually. A minute passes and he’s back in the kitchen pointing at our bunny, Pascal, who is enjoying his out of the cage time by munching on a cardboard box in the corner of our kitchen. Elliott fishes a bunny poop out of the cage and tries to feed it to Pascal. Then he motions to me to pet Pascal. After I pet the bunny Elliott grabs a bungee cord that he’s attached to Elmo’s leg and runs back to the living room yelling something in that special Elliott speak that we can’t always decipher.

Ok, let’s review. In a three minute span of time I…
– stopped painting to hug Elmo
– stopped painting to grab a McQueen car
– stopped painting to explain that Pascal does not want to eat his own poop

That’s all in a three minute span of time, people. And this goes on ALL DAY. I allow myself to watch something on YouTube while I eat lunch. Today I chose a 12 minute long interview with Mike D. In the twenty minutes of stuffing my face with more quesadillas than I can count, I managed to see 5 minutes of the interview because Elliott “needed” something every minute or two which involved setting down my food, pausing the video and taking off my headphones.

Sure, every once in awhile he will get totally engrossed in something, which is awesome for two reasons. One, I love to see his little mind at work while he constructs a block tower or hooking a bungee cord up to two cars so they can tow each other around. And two, it creates a little pocket of time in which I (or Coral) can work without interruptions.

By the 15th Elliott interruption today I looked at him and said, “Elliott, you are so annoying, but so stinking cute.” Then I picked him up and gave him a big hug.

What else can I do? I love the little pest.

My mom set up a Facebook group for our family because there are a lot of us and it’s way easier to post “Hey, it’s so-and-so’s birthday next week. Come by at 3.” as opposed to making a dozen or more phone calls to everybody. Well, we had one such event a couple of weekends ago, my grandmother’s 91st birthday. Yes, you heard that right. She is 91 years old. That means she was alive before the first TV remote control.

You might be thinking, “Send invitations, like in the olden days. If you don’t know what an invitation is just ask your grandmother about them.” To which I’d reply, no. The group isn’t just to announce parties. With this many people (16 adults and 8 children) somebody is bound to leave something behind, which is exactly why my mom’s most recent post was about a pair of forgotten sunglasses. And who sends invites to announce a lost pair of glasses? Exactly.

Oh yeah, for this to make sense, you have to know that we all call my grandmother “Nanny”, which I am almost certain was something she came up with to sound less old.
Grandma = Wrinkly Old Lady
Nanny = Scarlett Johansson

So, my mom posted something on our family group about finding a pair of sunglasses and also mentioned that Nanny had been to the doctor, which resulted in the following comments. Please take notice of the time when I joined in.

It’s been two days and Aaron still hasn’t responded. Aaron, if you’re out there…