The other day I stole something. Shoplifted. Stole. Robbed. Kidnapped. Tortured. Murdered. Oh wait, not really rob. And nobody chased me so I didn’t have to kidnap, torture or murder. However, I did take something out of a store without paying, so I suppose I’m a shoplifter. But I’m not really a shoplifter because that title infers that it’s something I make a habit of. More accurately, I’m a person who shoplifted. And let me tell you, the shoplifting was surprisingly liberating. Other than saving money it’s no wonder people do it. The rush of adrenalin flowing through the body. And the satisfaction of getting away with something that you know is wrong. But I’m not really a criminal and I’ll tell you why.

I spend a lot of time at Barnes N Noble. And I mean a lot. I’m a book nerd, I can’t help it. Some of the titles I pick up surprise me. The latest being Carrie Fisher’s new memoir “Wishful Drinking”, which I’ve learned is based on her one woman stage performance that she started in 2006 (if my sources are correct).

A week ago I wouldn’t know who the eff Carrie Fisher was if her name was mentioned in general conversation. A fact, I might add, would have made me proud because it’s nice not knowing who celebrities are. Of course, I would instantly know who she is after hearing, “She’s that girl in Star Wars with the funny buns in her hair.” Ok, so now you know who she is too. Anyway, I see her book in the “New Biographies” section.

I find the title irresistible even though I have no idea who the author is. Sure, the photo of the bun lady face down should have given it away, but I just figured the book was written by a Star Wars fanatic who became a pill popping boozer because George Lucas refused to cast her as an extra in the prequels. If you want to know more about these “fanatics” look no further than the oh so wonderful world of Google Image Search. And yes, there are female Star Wars fanatics too. It’s not just a single male , fat and forty (or over) thing.

At this point you might be asking yourself how all of this ties in with my recent stint as a one time klepto. Well, I’ll tell you. The book is so engaging that I couldn’t resist walking out of the store with it. I didn’t even pay. I left the upstairs cafe, walked casually down the staircase while talking with _____ and walked out the front door very matter of factly as if I was doing nothing wrong. Of course, I had no idea I was still holding the book in my hand. About seven to ten steps out of the front door I realized what I had done and exclamined quietly to _____ and myself, “I totally just shoplifted!” at which point I turned around and went back into the store and returned it to it’s special spot on the display table. Talk about absent-minded. Did they lace my bagel with some mind-numbing narcotic? Or perhaps I was just intoxicated by a passersby’s good looks. Either way, “Wishful Drinking” is worth a read. And although I refuse to spend money on it I will not steal it in any tangible way. I’ll just read the whole thing from cover to cover while sitting on the floor in a secluded corner of the bookstore.