Posts Tagged ‘drinking’

The Parents Survival Kit And How The Kids Drove Me To Drinking

As the kids get older the sweetness disappears and is, unfortunately, replaced with back talking, sass, and bullshit.

As a result, I’ve picked up a drinking habit. Nothing to be too concerned about…yet.

last night's parent survival kit: white russian in a tall cup and two pb&j's.
Parent Survival Kit

After a long weekend of telling children to do the same thing 5,000 times and getting eyes rolled at me in response I had no choice but to break out the bottle of Kahlua and mix myself a big fat cup of a White Russian. The version I make is pretty ghettoized, but real tasty. The Claassen style White Russian is simply Kahlua and whatever milk I can find in the fridge mixed in a big cup of ice. It’s delicious. I’ve never been a beer drinker and only had a brief stint as a wine drinker in my mid twenties when I was going through a Bukowski phase, which I should probably be embarrassed about, but I tend to look at it more like a rite of passage kind of thing for any young writer.

Anyway, the long weekend of dealing with sassy, selfish, back talking children has led me to develop my own personal “Parent Survival Kit”. The kit includes a White Russian mixed in the biggest cup you can find in the house and two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. For best results it is highly suggested that the kit is administered after all the children in the house have gone to bed. You will need a comfy place to sit where you can elevate your feet. Personally, my couch is perfect for this, but laying in bed wouldn’t be a bad place either. If you find solace in absolute quiet then find a nice quiet spot. For me it’s listening to music through fancy headphones (not those bullshit “earbuds”), feet up on the couch, dimly lit room, window open to allow for a slight breeze. Absolute heaven.

I will live to fight another day.

Related Posts with Thumbnails